Ok Universe. I hear ya!

*sigh*

If it isn’t one thing….

Evolving
As we get older, the hope is that we will grow, learn, evolve into – at the very least – tolerable adults. Most of us do just that. Some……. Well some DEvolve. I’ve met a few that might as well grab a banana and pop a squat that shows off their red asses. You know the ones right?
Yup thought so
There are things that we never grow out of tho. Not always a bad thing. In fact, if you ask me, most of the time kids know a fuck of a lot more than adults do. We lose something as we evolve seems like.
Wonder. Imagination. Instinct.  Magic. Faith. Hope. Belief.
We drum it out of them from the start. Somehow forgetting how great it was for us, before the evolution. Before adulting. We shush the baby that cries when we answer the door. Shake hands with evil and invite them in. The baby knows. The dog knows. Hell, WE know. We push it aside in favor of politeness, denial, need for the cable to be fixed, AC turned back on. Teaching baby that their instinct must be wrong, or why would their Parental Units let the bad man in? Maybe baby will just ignore it next time, until that instinct is dulled. Then muted.  Then, after baby is in bed, watching the news reveals the cable guy/ac guy/dude from bowling had 6 women and a bunch of turtles locked up in his basement, and 8 more buried under the rec room. (8 more women, not turtles.)
Guess baby was right.
Other stuff we let them keep, or just don’t actively stifle. Like……
Some food preferences.
Clothing style – yeah think about it, you’re dressed  now in a grown up version of your 3rd grade class pic outfit. Or jammies.
Am or pm kind of person
Music/sports/art talent
Reading.
I had a lot going on as a kid, but one thing never changed. I LOVE to read. Used to go thru about a book a day. Full size books. All kinds. From learning to read at 3, to now, words are magic. Good and bad.
A book can take you anywhere. Anytime. You can become anybody. You can lose yourself in a world that is as real as the one you’re living in. More real maybe. The words create a vision, a movie almost, in your mind that is a vivid as it would be on a screen. Better, because there are no limits. Rules are different in the mind-movie. Set by the author and you. It’s amazing. I only wish i could write like that. Weave a whole world in-between the pages of a book. I never could tho. Believe me i tried.
It takes a certain kind of imagination to pluck that shit out of thin air. I know a lot of stuff, too much sometimes, but i can’t story write. You’d think after the thousands of books I’ve read, i could easily jot one down. Nope. First off, i could never get past *once upon a time…*
Where to start? With what? Where? Oh God, i have to think up names n shit too?? I think I’m having the vapors.
Now Hubs can make up an entire movie in his head. Start to finish. Credits rolling. Man if i could put a projector in his skull, if be a bazillionaire. Granted, noone in his movies had any clothes on. At least not for long, and the dialogue is sparse, but the details are crazy. Not kidding. Truly genius. Wish i could see inside his head.  Or maybe not……
We all have a kid inside us still. People need to stop taking everything so seriously and let go once in a while. Twice in awhile even. Imagine if adults played more. Kid type stuff. Tag. Hide n seek. Ride bikes just cuz. Jumped on the bed. Crap like that. Bet happiness would be oozing out all over the place. World would be sloppy with it. More music games and weed. Perfect. Why do we adult ourselves out of all of it?

I get that some adulting has to happen.  Gotta get shit done right?  But why be a stick-in-the-mud the rest of the times? Come to think of it, less stickinthemudding could be going on whilst getting shit done.  Why the fuck no fun is happening? Why not? If you gotta do shit, well do it. But why not have fun while you’re doing it? It’s nut like having NO fun is what’s  getting it done. If you have to do something, it goes faster with a smile. Think on it. You know it’s true. And smiles are contagious. Frowns are too ya Know. Why you want to infect the people around you with the frownitus? That is just not right. Infect them with some grins instead. Yeah sounds corny right? Well so what. Corny doesnt mean wrong. In fact, corny  prolly means right.  Yup.

Devolve some . Act goofy. Silly. Like a dork. Untie that dam tie, unbutton the shirt, kick off the …….. no wait …. heels are hot. Leave those on. Take something else off. *evil grin* have some fun. You’ll feel better, the people around you will Feel better, and if they don’t appreciate,  well, fuck em. They suck . Keep at it, conversions are inevitable. I’m the meantime, you can enjoy life.  Ones thing ive learned these last couple years: to appreciate the little things. The stuff that costs nothing , but is priceless. Time is one.  Don’t waste it.

*Poof*

 

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Time Marches On

Time.

In some ways i wish i could turn back the clock to the beginning of it all and make a different choice. In others, not. Would it be different? Prolly. Better? Maybe. Maybe not. No matter the decision, some things would be inevitable.
I can’t regret. Regretting makes you regret yourself. You have to accept? (hate that word) , no let’s try embrace Everything that happens in your life, because it makes you ~well, you. Even the bad shit. Especially the bad shit i think.
I’ve learned a lot. About me, about others.
“Hard times reveal true friends”
Dunno who said that, but it is true. You find out what unconditionally means. What loyalty means. If you get stripped down of all the bs, you find out who you are. Find out your strengths, your weaknesses, and your boundaries. Your illusions, about yourself, about everyone else.
I learned to stand up for myself better. Learned when to give in. Learned a life long secret doesn’t have to be a huge secret. That it’s ok It really is. Some people already know, and it turns out it’s ok. It really is. Better than ok with some. I don’t have to continue to hide it. I’m still working on that. Getting there. All these years have fine tuned my camouflage. Some of you may even guess what it might be.
If i had made a different choice? I may have gone the rest of my life missing out on a huge part of who i am. Regretting. Can’t regret, remember? Might have withered away without any more living in my life. One huge lesson~ life’s short. You never know when it’s about to change, when you might lose someone. Some expected, some sudden and unexpected. Loved ones. Friends. One night they’re hanging out, the next, gone. You really have to try to enjoy what you have, who you love, while you can. There may not BE a tomorrow. Life is way too fleeting to let the small stuff get in the way of the important shit. True dat

*Poof*

Rewind….

I  found one of those rants I was talking about  before…… Couple of them actually. Trying to think of what set me off lol. The usual prolly. Weehoo hang on…..

I’m not going to hunt you down to explain myself, when you should know what kind of a person I am. If you want to know something, ask. I won’t lie to you, even tho I may tell you it’s none of your business.
There isn’t one person who has even tried to have a conversation with me, let alone bother to actually ASK me what is going on in my life. Assumptions have been made. Lies believed. Lawyers call that * Conclusions based on facts not in evidence. *I call it bullshit. How does anyone think they have the right to tell me how to live? Regardless of what that entails? Good or bad. Noone was coming by, calling, checking in, hanging out with, or noticing a thing about me, and still aren’t. No “hey I’m so glad you got rid of those opiates, hows the pain?” No “hey how’s it going, hear things are rough, can I help? Want to talk?”
They aren’t wanting to be a part of my life, but they want to tell me how to live it? Not even knowing anything about it. Only assumption. Condemnation. Intolerance. Conditions.
The ones I worked so hard for, sacrificed for, loved **unconditionally** had abandoned me, long before. Only one exception, and I’m afraid that one has joined the others. That’s loyalty for ya.
Family. I thought there was a different definition. I will never turn my back on my family. Under any circumstance. They could do nothing that would make me turn them away. I may not agree with them. I may not join in whatever they’re doing, might not like whatever it is , but that doesn’t change the fact I’ll be there. Helping. Watching. Kicking ass. Theirs if need be. Saving them if that’s what they need. Whatever I’m able to do. Anytime. Unconditionally. That’s what family is. There’s a post about it back there somewhere.
Chances are, this won’t be read. Not by them anyway. But it helps to vent, am I right? Even if I’m the only one who sees it, it’s out of my head for a minute, maybe it’ll ease the pain for a bit. Can always hope.
I’ll try to be back to my usual self next time. ~oh man I almost said *normal *! Holy fuckballs that was a close one *shudder *~
See! Feeling better already
Night
*poof*  about it. Only assumption. Condemnation. Intolerance. Conditions.
The ones I worked so hard for, sacrificed for, loved **unconditionally** had abandoned me, long before. Only one exception, and I’m afraid that one has joined the others. That’s loyalty for ya.
Family. I thought there was a different definition. I will never turn my back on my family. Under any circumstance. They could do nothing that would make me turn them away. I may not agree with them. I may not join in whatever they’re doing, might not like whatever it is , but that doesn’t change the fact I’ll be there. Helping. Watching. Kicking ass. Theirs if need be. Saving them if that’s what they need. Whatever I’m able to do. Anytime. Unconditionally. That’s what family is. There’s a post about it back there somewhere.
Chances are, this won’t be read. Not by them anyway. But it helps to vent, an I right? Even if I’m the only one who sees it, it’s out of my head for a minute, maybe it’ll ease the pain for a bit. Can always hope.
I’ll try to be back to my usual self next time. ~oh man I almost said *normal *! Holy fuckballs that was a close one *shudder *~
See! Feeling better already
Night
*poof*

Is That a Spider?!?

 

 

Is that a SPIDER??
OR
The cobwebs are thick in here…

So its been forever. And a day. Maybe two. I’ve written a LOT…… In my head. It never gets this far tho. It’s a solitary thing, writing. Seems there’s always someone around. For a while it was like being a bug under a microscope. Watched. Creepy. Now i can breathe a bit, but hubs is here and not one to sit still long. Hard to write bouncing around like that. 😂
So how is everyone? Looking forward to spring? We act like we have spring, but here it’s just a warning. Get ready to broil.
I been thinking. Bout lots of crap. Shit tends to happen. Have a friend who’s wife diagnosed with ALS. Friends who got taken by heroin and had a baby using. Both In jail for burglary now. Another friend same story without baby. Thankful I’ve never had the urge to partake. The shit evil.
Hubs got broadsided last week. In our NewToUs Pathfinder. Nissan is my hero. She took the hit like a champ, and kept running. Doin a 520° circle in the middle of Tbird, hubs came out a-ok. Hardly a search on her. Dent in the quarter panel and a sway arm. That’s it. Someone was watching that day. Thx Nissan. And mom?
Got a new side business. Have an escort friend who needs rides here and there sometimes. Wonder if that makes us pimps? Hmmmmm.
Hey I don’t judge. We’re all whores and we all have a price. Some are just higher than others. But you can’t say you don’t, well you could, but your nose would grow. It might be high, but it’s there. Ever given in to your SOs advance even when you went feeling it, cuz you wanted to soften them up for something? See?
Don’t feel bad, they get what they want, so do you. Win win.
Well,I’m off for now, wanted to say HI, and blow the cobwebs off the furniture. I’ll be back later with more ….. Whatever you want to call this. Ramble?
I promise to be a bit more focused.

*Poof*